The impossibility list
You'll be a leader if you're...
Inspiring every single day. Every day. Monday after a long weekend, Tuesday after a sleepless night, Friday before vacation. Every day. Like a lighthouse. Never going dark.
But what does a lighthouse that never goes dark cost? Fuel. A lot of fuel. And a leader who pretends to be inspiring when they're not - doesn't inspire. They exhaust. Both themselves and the team.
Always decisive. Always. Even when there's not enough data, when context is unclear, when all options are equally bad. "You have to decide. Leaders decide." I've heard that dozens of times. And just as many times I've seen what happens to a person who decides without information because they're afraid to show uncertainty. They decide badly. And then they defend the bad decision, because admitting the mistake "isn't a sign of a strong leader."
Empathetic. Always. For everyone. Regardless of how much energy they have that day. Empathy isn't an unlimited resource - it can be regenerated, but it has its limits. A leader who "has to be empathetic," but nobody asks them how they're doing... is a bit like a therapist without their own therapist. Sound familiar?
Visionary. Have a 3-5 year strategy mapped out. In an industry that changes every quarter. With a product that pivots every six months. With a board that changed its priorities mid-year. But the vision must be there. Concrete. Inspiring. Ready for every meeting.
Available 24/7. Because "the door is always open." Because "if you need something, message me." Because a leader who doesn't respond on Saturday night is a leader who "doesn't care about their team." I've heard that logic. A few times, from different people. And every time I ask the same question: so when does this leader actually recharge?
What this list doesn't say
The list says WHAT. It doesn't say WHEN. It doesn't say WITH WHOM. It doesn't say IN WHAT CONTEXT.
Because leadership isn't a fixed set of traits. It's contextual behavior.
I worked with a leader at a company going through restructuring. Smart person. Good leader. In normal conditions - calm, reflective, giving people room. In a crisis he had to be directive, fast, decisive without lengthy consultations. Does that mean he "changed his style"? Yes. Does it mean he failed as a leader? No. It means he read the situation and responded to it.
Empathy doesn't disappear when you decide quickly. Vision doesn't die when you admit you don't know. Availability doesn't mean being online non-stop - it means people know they can come to you with a problem when there's a genuine need.
The difference is enormous. And that list doesn't show it.
Questions worth asking yourself at the start
Instead of "what kind of leader should I be," try:
Who am I actually as a leader? Not "who would I like to be." Not "who should I be." Who am I right now, at this moment, with this team, at this company. What are my natural tendencies? What comes easily to me, and what costs me significantly more energy than it does my peers?
This isn't a question about weaknesses. It's a question about the map. Because a leader who doesn't know where they are doesn't know where they're going either.
Tip: don't answer these questions only on your own. Ask your team. Their answers and your answers will differ - and that difference is more valuable than either one alone.
What do I do when I'm tired? Not ideal, not "in leader mode" - tired, after a hard week, after a hard conversation. How do I behave then? Does my team see that version of me? Do I hide it? And what does that cost?
One leader once told me: "When I'm tired, I become curt and quick. Instead of listening, I start deciding." And added: "My team sees it, even when I think I'm not showing it." He was right. They always see.
What's my natural "focus"? Every leader has something they do instinctively well. One builds relationships. Another creates clarity out of chaos. A third drives toward execution when others are still planning. What's yours? And what follows from that - what do you handle naturally, and what requires conscious effort from you?
Who am I not? Important question. It may be that you're not a natural public speaker. Maybe you prefer one-on-ones. Maybe you don't have innate patience for long strategic discussions. That's not a defect. That's context. Do you know how to compensate for it, delegate, or build people around you who have what you lack?
Trust doesn't require perfection. It requires predictability.
That's one sentence I say often when working with leaders. And I often hear silence after it. Then - after a moment - someone says: "So that means I can be unpredictable in style and predictable in values?" Yes. Exactly that.
Because it changes the whole assumption. You don't have to be inspiring every day. You have to be yourself every day - in a recognizable, predictable way. Your team needs to know: "When the boss is tired, they do X. When under pressure, they react Y. When they're having a good day - Z." Not because that's an ideal leadership profile. Because that's safe.
Psychological safety doesn't come from a leader with no flaws. It comes from a leader you can predict.
I worked with a leader who once a quarter did something he called a "reset." He'd sit with his team and say: "Listen, the last two weeks I wasn't good - I had pressure from above and I was taking it out on you. I'm sorry." People trusted him without limits. Not because he was perfect. Because he was honest.
Coaching Bullshit says: you'll be a leader when you're everything to everyone.
Reality says: you'll be a leader when you're recognizably yourself - and when you communicate that.
Authenticity isn't "show all your emotions." It's not "don't control yourself." It's: don't pretend to be someone you're not, because that mask will exhaust you - and your team will see through it anyway.
One of the leaders I worked with had a habit of starting difficult conversations with: "I don't know how to say this, but I'm going to say it." That one sentence did more for trust than any carefully prepared speech.
Sometimes you'll be tired. Sometimes you won't know what to do. Sometimes you'll fall short. And that's OK.
You're a human.
So - returning to the title - what do you do when you're not a god?
First: admit it to yourself. Then communicate it to your team - not as "I'm hopeless," but as "this is my natural way of operating." Then build around yourself people who have what you lack. A leader who knows what they don't have - and builds strength from that - is more effective than one who pretends to have everything.
Question for you - as a leader or someone stepping into that role: do you know what your natural "focus" is? What you instinctively cover, and what you don't? And when did you last have time to think about it... seriously?